"A day back to the lives we missed. "
April 28 2021 marks the day we finally get to get back to our bars and pubs, albeit within certain rules. But it's a start. And the people I spoke today all agreed to it being a good start. Finally being able to go outside, have a beer, be with friends, talk with total strangers just to eleviate the build-up stress for the last year and a half.
The local terrace were filled with people on the 1.5 meter distance from each other, the stewards steering people so they don't get to close to each other, but still I liked being around people once more. Being a nightclub photographer, being able to do this, made me feel a bit happy again inside.
As the saying goes, there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's still a candle light, a soft and kind glow, inviting for more to come. I hope this light will becom brighter very soon, but carefully. We wouldn't want it to go out in a flash.
Note: photos are also available on Valkenswaard24.nl
Note: photos are also available on Valkenswaard24.nl
The smell of chickens being roasted floats by, and I feel like I am at a real market again. But I miss the noise of the people, market men yelling their prices, the buzz of people moving round and about. The ever imminent danger of Covid19 looms all over us.
Yesterday here in Valkenswaard, the village I live in, the weekmarket was approved but in a controlled fashion, the market stalls were far out of each other. Everybody is cautious not to get close to each other, and those that do get reprimanded. Only one person wasn't aware of this rule during the whole day the market took place. But then again, almost no one knew about the return of the ever so free market.
The sellers are having trouble selling their goods because of Corona, most atleast were able to clear the costs, but weren't able to earn much above it and can only hope for a better future where we can be free of Covid19 once more. One particular seller even went on: hopefully we can do this again next week. This is question for you readers: If another market will be allowed next week, would you go?
"Social distancing is a death knell for every single"
After acceptance and attention, touch is one of the three basic human needs. Without this you feel alone, abandoned, not seen or heard. As a single in this corona crisis, I know better than anyone what this feels like. Sure, I had been single long before COVID-19 hit, but then it wasn't a big deal. I worked in the hospitality industry as a photographer and I always had someone around me. That was wonderful to be with people like that. Interesting conversation here, ten minutes later I was with someone else with his or her story. Get pats on the back for the good photos. Hugs from complete strangers. In between we have a little dance with a nice girl, of whom I just took a picture.
God, how I miss that time.
Corona became a thing and it was immediately over. I soon realized that I would not like social distancing and can only think of a love to not be alone in this time. Bit selfish, but love has always been that. There was no other way, it came to nothing. Social distancing is a death knell for any single, especially if you live on your own.
Of course I do have contact with the family, which I am very happy with, because that is the little social contact I still have. But it's another thing when you have someone who says to you, "I love you" or "I'm glad I have you." I do not have that.
“Don't pretend, use an app like Tinder”, someone will send me after this column is online. Call me old-fashioned, it's much more fun to actually meet someone. To meet therefore literally means "nothing must". Digital dating is not for me, you are forced to make a choice based on information that someone else dares to put online, which in most cases is just a photo.
Sometimes I wonder if my own friends have forgotten me, everyone has their own life now, I understand that. That's why I stopped coming by spontaneously. Apart from family, no one spontaneously visits here. Not since I lived on my own. Corona has only made sure that this is now permanent.
Move thoughts
Not that my house can receive guests at the moment, the kitchen has had an accident. Pipes clogged with subsequent flooding. I'm cleaning it up. I have time, no one will come anyway. Nobody misses me, is the feeling. Empty inside. Addicted to work, just not to have to think about it. Alone in my bed at night has now become the sofa, because the space of a double bed that is used alone also feels like emptiness. Not as loving.
Not that my house can receive guests at the moment, the kitchen has had an accident. Pipes clogged with subsequent flooding. I'm cleaning it up. I have time, no one will come anyway. Nobody misses me, is the feeling. Empty inside. Addicted to work, just not to have to think about it. Alone in my bed at night has now become the sofa, because the space of a double bed that is used alone also feels like emptiness. Not as loving.
There are times when I just want to let go of everything. A wild explosion of anger and sadness. I don't do it, I keep it in, because that's what keeps me going. I write it off. Short stories that make no sense. Fiction, funny things, a bit of everything. Started drinking again. After not having touched a drop for a year, because a photographer who is tired does not advertise well. Every Saturday night, with people I've met online. Talking about everything that bothers us, joking about each other, things that we normally would have done if we could go out.
When I still lived at home it was after going out all of us eat frikandel and stay awake until early in the morning. It wouldn't be the first time that twenty more men in our tiny living room at six in the morning were driving my parents crazy. Those good old days.
So many questions
Nobody dares to come close to each other now, because you could get infected. The question now is of course: "what are we going to do when we are allowed to leave again? Can we dance and interact as usual? Shake hands when we meet? Hug each other when we're happy? Can we kiss? "All this and more is haunting my mind, but it just doesn't stop me from going out and taking on the challenge. I have my moments, not much more, thankfully. I just can't stand putting myself down anymore, I have to move forward, I want to see more and do more. Yes, I am single, so what?
Nobody dares to come close to each other now, because you could get infected. The question now is of course: "what are we going to do when we are allowed to leave again? Can we dance and interact as usual? Shake hands when we meet? Hug each other when we're happy? Can we kiss? "All this and more is haunting my mind, but it just doesn't stop me from going out and taking on the challenge. I have my moments, not much more, thankfully. I just can't stand putting myself down anymore, I have to move forward, I want to see more and do more. Yes, I am single, so what?
A smile to believe in
I see the lampposts that shoot past all slowly disappear in my side mirror. The roads are empty except for a few who are again at night fetching a pack of cigarettes. Almost home. Not that it is normally busy on a Thursday night, but still that empty feeling of not encountering people in this crisis.
I see the lampposts that shoot past all slowly disappear in my side mirror. The roads are empty except for a few who are again at night fetching a pack of cigarettes. Almost home. Not that it is normally busy on a Thursday night, but still that empty feeling of not encountering people in this crisis.
Except at the gas station. A place where travelers gather. Truckers who bring their important cargo from abroad to or further afield. Families with the camper or caravan in the parking lot, let the children air out. Or a Michael who has to feed his addiction. It is now a lot less than before, I'll get there.
Upon arrival I see a glass box just like mine, only one of a few classes higher. An Audi convertible with the roof closed. I get out and stroll to the entrance of the gas station. Out of the corner of my eye I see a young lady, dark blonde and purple sweater, smiling at me. A guy's tree emerges from the doorway. Definitely a cup bigger and wider than me. He is holding drink and bread in his hands. He takes a deep breath before walking towards the Audi. His face looked tired, and it seemed he had to muster his courage to walk back to his car. He hadn't even seen me. Inside I order a package and run up and down to the fridge for something to drink and pay.
Smile
When I come out again, the Audi has not yet left. That same lady looks at me with a smile again and I think: that is an authentic, unadulterated smile. Not a sneer of "I have more than you", but a real, beautiful smile. This time I smile back and step into my glass box. The Audi starts, the lights come on. They drive off to the left of the gas station with a chasing engine and I drive to the right, into the parking lot. On the way there I was a bit down and lost, but that smile made me feel good again. During that entire meeting above, not a word was spoken and lasted no more than a few minutes, but the feeling remained.
When I come out again, the Audi has not yet left. That same lady looks at me with a smile again and I think: that is an authentic, unadulterated smile. Not a sneer of "I have more than you", but a real, beautiful smile. This time I smile back and step into my glass box. The Audi starts, the lights come on. They drive off to the left of the gas station with a chasing engine and I drive to the right, into the parking lot. On the way there I was a bit down and lost, but that smile made me feel good again. During that entire meeting above, not a word was spoken and lasted no more than a few minutes, but the feeling remained.
Sometimes it is the simplest things that bring you down. But sometimes it is also the simplest things that make you believe in yourself again.
Its a first since several years we are able to enjoy the Winter and Cold weather much more in these Times of Covid-19 in the Netherlands. Being cooped in our houses for more then a year, it is a welcome sight being out and temporarily forgetting all the problems we had up to now.
